The John Report: Talking Smack for 01/01/10 (Beat The Clock)

The John Report: Talking Smack for 01/01/10 (Beat The Clock)
Welcome to the Talking Smack column where I offer up a quick rundown of WWE’s Friday broadcast, Smackdown. I hope you had a good New Year’s celebration. Mine was okay. Tamer than usual. If you’re into WrestleMania rumors I did a blog post on New Year’s Day that covers seven of the potential big matches at WrestleMania 26 in Phoenix this year. The link is here.


Taped from East Rutherford, New Jersey (pronounced as “Joisey”) let’s talk some smack…

We find out that there will be a Beat The Clock challenge tonight. Four matches. Whoever wins in the fastest time gets the title shot at the Undertaker for the Royal Rumble. In other words, “we know that everybody knows it’ll be Batista vs. Taker or a triple threat with Rey involved, but we have another four episodes of Smackdown so we better have a gimmick show.” See, calling it Beat The Clock (or BTC) is way easier than calling it that.

CM Punk came out with Gallows for his weekly sermon about being Straight Edge. He had us join him for a pledge, but the crowd didn’t really follow it. No, I’m not writing it out word for word. Sorry. He said next week he’ll save a lost soul from the audience. A plant, of course. Maybe a new wrestler. I want this Straight Edge Society to expand. Could be good. Punk’s great as a leader.

CM Punk d. Matt Hardy in the Beat the Clock challenge at 7:20 (**1/4)
They had a back and forth match for about six minutes with Hardy getting plenty of offense in, which is good to see. Matt Hardy’s always been somebody I enjoy watching and I’ve hated seeing him lose as much as he has for the second half of 2009. Hardy looked like he had control, but Punk countered with a strong kick to the head and finished him with the GTS for the win. The GTS is still my favorite finisher in WWE. Punk set the time to beat for the BTC. Decent match. Post match, Gallows hit Hardy with his finisher.

Kane and Dolph Ziggler did not beat the clock at 7:20 (*3/4)
Hey, Dolph Ziggler! Out of the doghouse. For a week anyway. It was fine. I’ve never been a huge fan of Kane matches, but he gave Ziggler some decent offense here. Once they got near the seven minute mark, Ziggler had Kane in a sleeper/chinlock type thing on the ground, but Kane never gave up. The time ran out. Post match, Ziggler gave him his Zig Zag finisher as the announcers suggested this isn’t over. Pencil in Kane beating Ziggler in four minutes next week. Maybe less.

The Great Khali d. The Carolina Panther (DUD)
Match of the year! In 28 seconds it was over. This was not a Beat the Clock match. I guess it’s better than reliving the Kane/Khali feud.

Drew McIntyre d. John Morrison via DQ to retain the IC title (*1/4)
I was really anticipating this one, hoping they would get 15 minutes to tell a good story. Nope. They got less than five minutes and went with a cheap ending where Morrison all of a sudden was really aggressive with his punches in the corner. The ref pulled him back repeatedly to the point that the ref was agitated, so McIntyre shoved Morrison into the ref and the ref DQ’d Morrison. Lame ending. I guess Morrison will earn another title shot and they’ll do it at the Rumble, which disappoints me. I want Morrison to win the Rumble. I doubt it happens, though. Post match was good as they brawled up the ramp. I do like this feud, but I still want to see Morrison in the Rumble.

Did You Know? “The WWE held more events in Europe in 2009 than the NFL, MLB, NBA and NHL combined.” Amazing. They, a worldwide company, have more events in Europe than pro sports league that are based in North America. Wow! I have one of my own.

Did You Know? The John Report has more words in it than the average street sign. (Thanks Matthew!)

Mickie James d. Beth Phoenix (1/2*)
Michelle was at ringside in a Piggie James shirt while Layla had on a “We Love Glamazon” one and they had “Team Laycool” on the back. The match was a one minute special. Layla got on the apron, the stupid ref went for her, Michelle got up there, went to kick Mickie and hit Beth instead, which allowed Mickie James-Canton to get the win. Post match, Layla and Michelle went after Mickie, but Beth saved MJC. Michelle is doing a great job of sucking up to Beth, showing that she fears her. MJC and Beth looked to be on the same page until Beth gave her the Glam Slam post match. Then she held her up, said something to her and the seg ended. Well done angle. They all did a great job, really. All four of the women continue the “feud” on Twitter. Rumors of me having a Glamacrush on Beth Phoenix are untrue, but I think she’s pretty funny. I’m a Mickie James-Canton guy. Just look at the last name.

Jericho came out for a pre-match promo. Great like always. His resolution is to hold every title in WWE. For those that have asked, I think Jerishow wins the tag belts on Monday night. Please don’t have him dress like a woman and call himself “Christina” so he can win the women’s belts. Please!

Rey Mysterio d. Chris Jericho in the Beat The Clock challenge @ 7:19 (***)
I’ll never get sick of these two in a match. Never. I promise you that. In ten years if they had a match it would probably be very good too. There are no two guys in WWE that have better chemistry than Mysterio and Jericho. The best part of their matches are the reversals. They can probably go for three or four minutes straight only doing reversals just because they can. The best reversal came when Mysterio was coming off the top with a springboard and instead was met with a Codebreaker by Jericho that looked amazing. That was one of those spots that you’d love to see live. What a visual. He only got two. With the clock ticking, he bent down to pick him up, but Rey countered with a rollup that got the one, two, three with just one second left on the clock. Great timing. Vintage awesome Jericho/Mysterio match. Want to know how to have a three star match in only seven minutes? Watch Jericho vs. Mysterio.

Batista wrestled R-Truth to a no content in the Beat the Clock challenge @ 7:19 (*3/4)
Mysterio was at ringside for this one. Batista rapped on his way to the ring. Oh wait, that was R-Truth. They have the same rapping skills. The story here was that Batista was on offense for about 90% of the match, beating up on RT as a way to taunt Mysterio. Truth came back with a DDT for two and a spinning kick. His offense is good and he’s over with the crowd. Batista let too much time run out. When he finally went for the kill he hit the Batista Bomb and went to cover. Only seconds left. One, two…and Rey pulled the ref out. The clock ran out. The announcer said Batista failed to Beat the Clock, so Mysterio was the #1 contender again. I guess an argument could be made that it should be a DQ with Batista being awarded the win although Mysterio went after the ref.

Post match, Vickie announced that next week we’d get Mysterio vs. Batista (again just like two weeks ago) to determine the number one contender. I think it’ll be a triple threat at the Rumble and if not then Batista vs. Undertaker. No matter what it is, Batista’s probably leaving the Rumble as World Champ.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Chris Jericho
2. Rey Mysterio
3. CM Punk

7 out of 10
Last week: 7

Another 7 just like last week. Smackdown continues to be the wrestling show in WWE, which is why I like it. There aren’t silly skits to bog the show down. I understand they want to differentiate Raw from Smackdown, which is fine with me. I just wish Raw was more like Smackdown because it would be better if it was. You watch the show for the in-ring action and you get it.

On Raw, the midcard wrestlers only get to have 3 or 4 minute matches. They don’t get to develop as workers in front of our eyes because guys are hitting finishers three minutes in. On Smackdown, the wrestlers are more likely to become better workers because they can at least tell more of a story in a 7 minute match (we had four of those this week), which is better for the company in the long run.

Who needs wrestling when you can have midgets? Go for it! (TM Bob Barker.)

Interesting to note they taped one more match that didn’t air. From the spoilers: “Hart Dynasty & Natalya defeated Maria & Jimmy Wang Yang & Slam Master J. Natalya put the Sharpshooter on Maria afterwards.” I guess they ran out of time for it.


As always, check out the blog at for updated daily content. I’ll be back on Tuesday with the Raw Deal as usual. I hear Bret Hart’s back. That could be big. You think?

For those that have asked, I’ll probably watch and write about TNA’s three hour Monday Impact probably on Wednesday at some point at my blog. I’ll do the Raw Deal at the usual time with an early PM posting, but I don’t have time to watch and write about both on the same day.

I have to say I’m pretty damn excited for Monday’s Raw. Haven’t been this excited in a long time for a Raw. Don’t let us down, WWE. Please don’t. We deserve happiness.

Thanks for reading.

John Canton –
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